Copywright Mark Velasquez Photography (www.markvelasquez.com)

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Hello Livejournal! It's easily been years since I've written, I'm glad to be back. The plan is to get back into my writings again, and to try and get stuff posted on a primarily daily basis.

The content of this journal, however, is going to be completely different than it was in past years. I'm not really able to find writing about what happens in my life every day interesting any longer. A number of you can agree, I got a good 5 or more years in of daily practicing the art of writing soley on the subject of myself, and have definitely mastered the art of self-pity and more specifically the art of attention-getting through years upon years of daily writing on what used to be my favorite subject matter - myself. At the same time, I didnt realize back then that I was writing overdramatized accounts of my daily life as a means of attaining the sympathy and attention of my readers, I needed that self-centered and self-analytical journaling phase at that time in my life, It helped me to process my thoughts and rationalize many things by being the primary outlet in which I was able to express myself in a healthy way. So I've finally grown up, I love the woman I have become, and old readers will notice a dramatic change in certain areas - the predominate change in my opinion being now a person of blunt honesty as opposed to a person characteristic of over-exaggeration and bullshit. I actually think this new chapter in my journaling life will be way more tolerable for readers lol.

I think I came back to Livejournal because I have discovered the fact that I want to write a book about everything lol, and it's common for me to say in excitement "I should write a book about that!" after pretty much any intellectual conversation. I am interested in so many issues, I can't write books about all of them and finish writing all these books by the time I lose interest in some issue and find 5 other things I'm passionate about and then start 5 more books. So instead of writing 300 books and not completing one (A behavior I've found is specifically typical of an Artist, so this would make sense lol), I thought of writing articles on these various topics that fascinate me in this here journal. Input is another bonus to that, as I will definitely admit the fact I don't know a lot of things and I am capable of being wrong - and as the extremely open-minded woman I have become, I am open to constructive criticism, correction, questions, debate... and of course the good commentary as well.

I am currently almost continuously researching three main subjects of deep interest: The psychology behind abusive and controlling behaviors, Spiritual/Biblical issues, and Libertarianism specifically as it relates to Socialism. These topics will change as I lose interest in them and find new things I must study in depth. Psychological analysis of abuse and control will probably be of interest for awhile, as I have devoted months and months to both research and also detailed observational documentation of the behavior of certain people that are relevant to my study.

So anyway, I'm about to start this exciting new journal and give report of the discoveries I have made through research, acquired wisdom, observation and knowledge. Excited!

Tags: journal update

ive got to find peace of mind he says its impossible but i know its possible he says theres no me without him please help me forget about him he takes all my energy trapped in my memory constantly holding me i need to tell you all the pain he's caused i need to tell you im undone because he says its impossible but i know its possible he says its impossible without him but i know its possible to finally be in love and know the real meaning of a lasting relationship not based on ownership i trust every part of you because all that you say you do you love me despite myself sometimes i fight myself i just cant believe that you would have anything to do with someone so insecure someone so immature oh you inspire me to be the higher me you make my desire pure you make my desire pure just tell me what to say i cant find the words to say please dont be mad with me i have no identity all that ive known is gone all i was building on i want to walk with you how do i talk to you touch my mouth with your hands touch my mouth with your hands oh i want to understand the meaning of your embrace i know now i have to face the temptations of my past please dont let me disgrace will my devotion last now that i know the truth now that theres no excuse keeping me from your love what was i thinking of holding me from your love what was i thinking of you are my peace of mind that old me is left behind he says its impossible but i know its possible he says its not probable but i know its tangible he says its not grabable but i know its haveable because anythings possible oh anything is possible please come free my mind please come be my mind can you see my mind wont you come free my mind oh i know its possible anything anything anything anything anything anything is possible please come free my mind you are my peace of mind what a joy it is to be alive to get another chance every day is another chance to get it right this time every day is another chance oh what a merciful God oh what a wonderful wonderful God.

merciful, wonderful God.